Wine Etiquette

Typically, when you're out with friends they want to talk to you, not watch you stare trancelike into a wine list. So rather than hogging the wine list for yourself, ask for lists all around. If the list is some big, leather-bound novel, the restaurant probably won't have enough for more than one per table, but small, cheaper-to-produce lists are often in good supply.

If joint custody of the wine list doesn't spark debates about what to drink, you'll have to work a little harder to involve the table. Ask people what they like and dislike. Throw some suggestions out there. Whatever you do, don't be a rude wine geek and lose yourself in the list.

Business Dinner Etiquette

Business dinners are a little trickier, as there isn't the level of familiarity and casual social air of dinner with friends. Still, it's important not to disappear into the wine list and leave your business companions outside.

If you're the host, you have control of the list, but show your guests some respect and take interest in their likes, dislikes, and interests. If someone else at the table is very into wine, you might even want to hand the list over.

If you're the guest at a business dinner, and some twist of fate lands the list in your hands, be careful not to abuse that honor. Show your hosts the same qualities they'd want to see in you as a business partner: social grace, financial responsibility, and thoughtfulness. That can be a tall order in the already charged setting of a business dinner, where you've undoubtedly got bigger things to worry about, but here are a few tips that will make it easy: 

•  If you can at all divine where you're going to dinner—or even narrow it down to a few pretty sure choices—call ahead and ask each restaurant to fax or e-mail you the wine list. Then you won't have to spend time fumbling through it trying to figure out how to deal with it. 
   
• If you have to choose the wine on the fly, order the wine after everyone has decided what they are going to eat. (If you're with food lovers, this will probably be expected, but there are lots of people who think it's important to get right on the drinks.) Ordering food first makes it easier to figure out what the vibe is and what the price point is—and it buys you time. 
   
• Show interest in your hosts, and ask about their wine likes and dislikes. Test the waters by throwing a few suggestions out, too. 
   
• Even if your hosts go for the most expensive items on the menu, err on the affordable side of the wine list. Stay away from the extremes; look instead for wines that fall in the middle of that range or slightly under.

 
Follow those tips and you're likely to come across as impressively confident, smooth, and thoughtful. You've got a jump start on sealing the deal whether they like the wine or not, but it's always better, for business and pleasure, when the wine impresses everyone as much in taste as in idea. How can you figure out which bottle will satisfy everyone? You can never know for sure, but you can make some pretty good guesses, especially if you start with the sommelier.